Down in the Dumps

I'm done with chemo but for the last few days I've just felt like shit. I am so beaten down by this cancer and everything that comes with it. My oncologist and radiation oncologist have both said that it's only a matter of time until another tumor shows up. So then tell me, what the fuck was the point of going through shitty chemo and now another round of radiation (this will make #3). I almost feel embarrassed to go into the radiation treatment room because I am back once again. I'm really considering not doing treatment when it comes back again. I just can't do this for the rest of my life. Oh course this scares my DH that I've given up. Maybe it's just a phase but I'm so tired. All I've been since I was diagnosed 3 years ago is positive and WTF has it gotten me?

I'm not suicidal, don't worry, just tired and overwhelmed.

Thanks for listening...I can't exactly post this sort of a rant on my cancer blog...people would freak.