My thoracic surgeon called and wants to do surgery to remove the tumors on my right side next week. This surgery will be bigger than any I've had in the past and recovery will be rough (his words). I will be in the hospital for a week and recovery time will be 6-8 weeks. TO add to that, he wants to go in and get the tumors on the left side 2-3 weeks after the left side surgery. We can't do it all at once because it's too much for my body to handle. Of course my biggest concern is these babies. My husband can't do it all alone. Yes, we have parents here and yes people have offfered to help but I feel so terrible having to be away from them. I know this is what I need to do in order to give me a better chance of survival but I just keep thinking that if I hadn't been so slefish in wanting babies that we woulnd't be in this situation.
What if I don't make it through it this time? What if my babies don't even get to have any memories of me but through the pictures we have taken so far? I know this sounds so morbid. In the past I thought about cancer taking me but nothing like this. I don't want my babies to grow up without a mom, I don't want my husband to lose his wife, I don't want my parents to lose a daughter, and I don't want my siblings to lose a sister.
My elderly neighbor just came over as I was writing this post and brought me a dozen yellow roses and a bamboo plant. As we were talking she says "God never gives us more than we can handle" and she doesn't know about any of the cancer stuff. It's so true and I needed to hear that.
Thanks for letting me vent (and cry as I wrote this post).
24 comments:
I'm praying for you and your sweet family.
I don't think any words will help so just know you are in my thoughts often.
Hugs!
You are always in my thoughts and prayers. I am so so sorry and I just want you to know that you dont have to be strong, you are going through a lot. I cant imagine having to be away from the babies if I was you but you said it right, they need you so you have to do what gives you the best chance of being with them forever. (((hugs))) I wish there was something that I could do!
I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom or sage advice...I can't even imagine how you are able to deal with all of this at once. You are amazingly strong, these babies are blessed to have you for a Mom and no matter what they will always know how hard you had to fight to get them here, and to be here for them. You can do this, you can beat this-you have before and you will now. Praying for you, thinking about you and sending you all of the well wishes and hope for good health I can your way. You are a warrior, keep fighting ; )
First time commenter but I have been following your blog for a while now. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and God will see you though.
I am so sorry to read about the cancer. Just know that you have people all over rooting for you and your family. I am a firm believer in positive energy and I hope that what I send your way helps!
You are a wonderful, kind, and STRONG woman. You will get through this. You have overcome so much in your life already this will just be another speed bump! Many prayers!
I've been reading your blog for awhile now, and this could be my first comment. You are such a strong woman, and I'm just in awe of you. You are an inspiration! You've beat this cancer once, you can definitely do it again. What matters most is you getting healthy, so you can enjoy those precious miracles for a VERY long time. Sounds like you have a great network of family & friends...let them help you, so you can get better. Praying that good health comes your way.
Oh sweetie...no doubt, this is going to be tough, looking at the top of a mountain when standing at the bottom always seems tough...those sweet little miracle babies of yours are going to give you strength to climb this one, I promise.
Your family and friends obviously love you very much. By letting them support you and your husband and the babies right now, they are loving you the best way they know how...let them do this for you.
Sending cancer kick a@@ vibes!
I don't know how you feel but I think that if I were in your shoes I would feel the same exact way. Big hugs!!!
You can do this ... you have already done amazing things .... my thoughts are with all of you, and if I could reach through this computer screen and give you a hug I would ....
Big ((HUGS)) - must be so hard....
I just read your post and now I am crying....lol...it's crazy how I don't even know you but my heart hurts for you. In the dictionary next to "inspiration" there should be a picture of you! Because you are. To everyone, your sweet babes, your husband, your family and people you don't even know! You can do this, you can fight it again! I know it's scary, but if anyone can do it, you can! You are in my prayers ;)
Praying.
Megan my tears are welling up.
I truley believe god sends us winks or reminders that he is there. The roses were that to me. How amazing that this woman knew you needed her love and support. Prayers for the road ahead and your babies never miss a day with their sweet mom.
I have been thinking of you, your DH and your babies so much. I'm so sorry you are going through this again.
I paged you on PAIF just now too, I sent you a PM with my email address so feel free to write back if you have time or need anything OK?
De-lurking to send you some love...Prayers are with you and your beautiful family!
Sending lots of hugs your way, and hoping everything goes smoothly.
(and you made it to 34 weeks w/a triplet pregnancy - you can do anything!!!)
I am sending many thoughts and prayers your way from TX. Much love.
I just want you to know that day in and day out I'm saying prayers for you and your beautiful family.
*hugs*
Meghan, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm praying for you, your husband and your babies.
The situation just sucks! I'm sorry that you're going through this. I'm praying for you every day.
Never commented, but I was so moved by your post I can't help but say something.
I do not think you were selfish. You blessed this world with three little lives. No matter what happens, you loved your babies so much before you even knew them that you risked our own health to give them life.
That is a powerful love and a powerful reason to fight
I will pray for you.
Thinking of you and wishing you all the best... and really hoping that after all of this you can enjoy life to the fullest with your little loves and hubby, and never have to worry about surgery ever again!
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