Wishing & Hoping & Thinking & Praying & Planning & Dreaming: I F-ing hate cancer

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IVF Stats

IVF #1:
June 2008
Long Lupron
Canceled due to poor response to protocol

IVF #2:
July 2008
Microdose Lupron
Canceled due to poor response to protocol

IVF #3:
June 2009
Antagonist
Estrogen Priming
DHEA supplements
4 embies frozen

**what I did different for IVF #3: 75 mg/day of DHEA & 7 wheatgrass pills/day (for at least 4 months prior)

FET: March 2010
2/17/10: Start estrogen patches
3/2/10: lining check (lining at 9)
3/5/10: transferred 3 embryos (B+ grade, 6, 7, & 8 cell)
3/13/10: + HPT (8dp3dt)
3/16/10: Beta #1 282 (11dp3dt)
3/18/10: Beta #2 817 (13dp3dt)
4/5/10: u/s: not 1, not 2, but 3 babies

What does that mean?!

5dt = 5 day transfer
3dt = 3 day transfer
AF = Aunt flow (period)
B/W = bloodwork
BCP = Birth Control Pills
BFN = Big Fat Negative (aka: Not Pregnant)
BFP = Big Fat Postive (aka: Pregnant!)
BIL= Brother-in-law
DE- Donor Eggs
DOR= Diminished ovarian reserve
DPO = Days Past Ovulation
E2= estrodial (estrogen)
ER = Egg Retreival
ET = Egg Transfer
FET = Frozen Embryo Transfer
FIL= Father-in-law
IF = Infertility
IUI = Intrauterine Insemination
IVF = In-vitro Fertilization
M/C = Miscarriage
MFI = Male factor Infertility
MIL= Mother-in-law
O = Ovulation
OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit
PIO = Progesterone in Oil
POF= premature ovarian failure
SIL = Sister- in-law
Stims = Follicle Stimulating Drugs
TTC = Trying to Conceive
TTTC = Trouble Trying to Conceive
U/S = Ultrasound

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I F-ing hate cancer

I have to make this short because I don't want to start crying again like I have been all day...

So to make my life even fucking better than it has been lately, my cat might have cancer, more likely than not he does. I have had this cat for 12 years and am just devastated. OK, here comes to tears so I have to go.

Please say a prayer for my kitty.

4 comments:

'Murgdan': Oh I'm so so sorry. :-( (hugs); February 19, 2009 at 7:54 PM
Bella: Oh, how awful! I am so sorry, sweetie!!!! Sending up many prayers for your kitty. They just found this at his check-up yesterday? How shocking! Many hugs, I would be a mess, too.; February 19, 2009 at 8:50 PM
Melissa Griffin: Ohhh I am so sorry...my cat had cancer about 2 months ago - we had him for 17 years..and he was a wonderful cat so I can definitely understand what you are going through. Spend as much time with him as you can and take lots of pictures - just in case - it will make you feel better. Keep us posted - Im saying a prayer that it is something else!!!; February 20, 2009 at 6:39 AM
Bluebird: I am so, so sorry. I can't believe that. I'm sure you must feel so defeated right now. I hate that you have to deal with this.; February 20, 2009 at 8:40 AM

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"Thoughts on Becoming a Mother"

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.I have learned to appreciate life.Yes, I will be a wonderful mother."

-Unknown

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Thursday, February 19, 2009

I F-ing hate cancer

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