Do you believe in signs?

So last April before we did IVF #1 I had to go into a bank and do some things for our credit card. I got talking to the girl as to why I needed loans (pay for IVF) and she told me that she was 5 weeks pregnant with twins from donor eggs. I talked with her for awhile about IVF etc. I left there and thought about her a couple times but nothing really again until I was told that we might have to use DE, now I feel like there was a reason why I met this woman and am tempted to email her ( I have her business card).

Today on the plane ride home the woman sitting next to me was reading the book The Adoption Choice which was all about adopting a child. I just feel like I am getting signs from everywhere telling me that I am not going to be able to have a child that is biologically mine. Of course we're still going to try the next IVF in early 2009 but isn't that weird?

I guess you see different things depending on where you are in your life but it's just odd.

Glad to be back home and able to sleep in my own bed tonight. DH and I are off to see a house tomorrow and to hopefully see Twilight!!!

Happy Thanksgiving...I'm not bitter

As I sit here after our wonderful Thanksgiving dinner I am pondering the things that I am thankful for in my life. Of course, I would not be as strong as I am right now without my amazing family and DH.

I do sit here on days like today and tend to have more of a pity party than normal. There are lots of things that I am NOT grateful for. I am not happy that I have to deal with all the shit that life seems to throw my way. I have now dealt with cancer and IF. It was one things to be infertile and have to do IVF, I was fine with that. But now, I am dealing with the possibility that I cannot have my own biological child and may have to use donor eggs. I know that a child through donor eggs would "technically" be my own but I am really having issues with this lately. Why does God do this to people? How is this fair to anyone to be IF?

OK, I digress...thanks you for listening to me vent and it really does help knowing that you've all been there at one time or another and that we are allowed to have pity parties once in awhile.

I'm going to go have another drink;)

Supposed to be a baby free day

I was definite that today would be a baby free day but oh I couldn't be so lucky! This morning I went to take some family pictures for a co-worker of mine. I did pics of her and her sisters and brother and their spouses and kids. As we're walking to the spot to take pics I am told that her sister is expecting. WOW, that's freaking fabulous since they got married AFTER we did! I really think that everyone around me who wants to get pregnant does and it's just not fair.

Then we went to the Bronco game and as we're sitting on the party bus drinking beer some random guy brings out birth announcements for his new baby girl and then everyone starts talking about what their baby weighed when it was born etc.

THEN...we're out at half time talking with friends and some guy says that my DH will make an amazing father. I f-ing know that and I will be a great mom too but we can't get there!

THEN...I get a text message from a friend that her sister had her baby and there was a picture of the baby!

So much for a baby free day huh??

Flex Spending Account

I signed up today for the flex spending account through my work. If you're not familiar with flex spending you can choose the amount of money you want to have taken out of your check (pre-tax) and then it's spread over a 12 month period where you can use the money at any time. The most you can do is $2500 but it's use it or lose it so I was a bit scared to do the full amount. My grandparents said they would give us $1000 for our next IVF so I don't think we'll need that much for meds. I can also use it for acupuncture for the cycle as well. Overall I think it's a great deal. I only did $1000 just in case...I'll use $500 alone if I deliver a baby. WOW, that's the first time I've thought of that in a long time. It makes me smile to think that in 2009 I could have a baby (or two). OK, Meghan relax, you have yet to make it to an ER. You have to stay positive right?

Pickles usually mean something...

So today I was at work and was eating a dill pickle with my sandwich and this lady, who knows we've done IVF, says, "eating pickles usually is a sign of something...". I turned to her and said, "Umm no!" But wanted to say, thanks for reminding me that I'm f-ing infertile! I know she didn't mean anything by it but come on.

Speaking of being pregnant, my friend told me today that she's having a boy-her little girl is just over 1. I'm very happy for her but to hear that she's having a boy after she already has a girl is hard to hear. I've always said I wanted a boy and a girl-at this point I'm not really sure I'll have either:(

DH and I are off to Oregon on Monday morning so that will be a fun time, although it's supposed to rain the whole time we're there!

Home Again, Home Again

My mom and I got back from Mexico tonight. We really did have a great time! There are many things we will never forget from this trip and I'm so glad I went. I came back and got on the computer to check emails. My personal email had 74 messages (mostly junk) and my work email was out of control! I think I'm finally caught up with all of them.

While I was gone I got a phone call from my IVF nurse...the one I just love... and she said she wanted to get my protocol all set up since she was leaving the practice in a few weeks. I'm so sad to hear this news. I have called and left a message for her saying that I was sad that she was leaving and that we wouldn't be doing a cycle in January like we previously discussed. We now have to wait until February for the clean CT scan.

I'm back to work for two weeks and then DH and I are off to Oregon for Thanksgiving with his family. I am really looking forward to it. I missed him a lot while I was gone;)

Here are some pics from the trip...

Off to Mexico

I am so excited that my trip to Cozumel with my mom is finally here. We leave tomorrow morning and will get back next Saturday. DH and I are going out to dinner tonight and then watching a movie since I won't get a chance to see him in the next week.

Last night for Halloween was pretty uneventful. We went to a friends' house and played Rock Band II until about 2 am. I was a rock star singer:)

I'll update pics when I get back...