First Day: check

I am please to say that my first night of shots, clomid, and dexamethasone are complete! Here I thought I was an old pro at giving shots and I was so freaking nervous it was ridiculous. I wish we had a video of me and DH getting everything prepared last night...priceless.

I got a hold of my nurse and she's ordered 2 vials of Menopur for me to pick up at their pharmacy (40 minute drive Monday) and then the rest will be ordered from Ascend and be here Tuesday. That was a little too much stress dealing with that than I would've liked but oh well it's all figured out now. BTW, I hate dealing with mixing Menopur (we mix 3 vials/night), it's such a pain so I've given the task to DH who hates it just as much ;)

Here's the meds currently taking each night:
Clomid 100mg (2 tab)
Dexamethasone 2 (2 tab)
Gonal F 225 IU
Menopur 225 IU (3 amps + 1 cc water)

Monitoring u/s is scheduled for Wed. @ 7:45 AM.

Meds, Meds, and more Meds

These are just some of the meds I'll be taking. I went through and made sure I had everything and good thing I did because I am supposed to take 3 vials of Menopur every night and I only have 10 vials...umm, not enough for 7-10 days of stims. The thing that sucks the worst is that's the most expensive med out of all of them and I need to get more...great! I have a call into my IVF nurse to let her know.

My appointment this afternoon went fine. Had an injection teaching (more of a refresher course), an u/s, and E2 b/w. RE said everything looked good to start...waiting on the E2 level.

Bring on the shots (medical not alcohol):)

Tomorrow, Tomorrow

I can't believe that I have my baseline u/s and injection teaching tomorrow and start stims tomorrow night. I have done the injections enough to know what to do but could use a refresher, especially the Menopur that I have to mix. I'm glad my DH will be with me so we have an extra set of ears. My follow up u/s and b/w is scheduled for Wed. and right after that I have an oncology appointment, what a different perspective:)

PRAY for follies.
PRAY for embies.

I think I'll have my last glass of wine tonight before I start stims, after all I do have things to celebrate. We're done with school, my numbers look great, I'm going to rid this cancer of my body once and for all, and I am loved.

NUGGETS, NUGGETS

Let's go, kick some Laker A$$

Getting closer...

I cannot believe that on Friday I am going to start injecting myself again with all sorts of drugs. I am taking the Estrace and don't really notice any difference with the exception of increased CM. It just doesn't seem real that this is happening, any of it. I am prepared that if we don't get any embies that this will be our last shot with my own eggs since the chemo will pretty much wipe out everything that's remotely good in my body.

My RE's office wants me to have a consult with an anesthesiologist to make sure that it's safe to sedate me for my ER. I have freaking cancer, knock my ass out and let me enjoy it. I understand they are trying to cover their butt but come on, they are being ridiculous. I wouldn't have so much of a problem with it if I didn't have to pay OOP for the consult...yeah that's the shitty part and I'm not having it. I was supposed to hear back from my RE's office today as to if they were going to "make" me do it or not and haven't heard anything so I'm not going to push it. I see them on Friday anyway for my baseline u/s and injection teaching (3rd time's a charm right?).

Best news so far...I am done with school this week! I don't have kids tomorrow and Thursday is our last day! YAHOO! They are lucky they don't have to deal with me on clomid and everything else;)

Random Photos

Just going through some pics off my camera and wanted to share some...hope you have a great Memorial Day weekend...be safe!

What an odd couple...


Saw this T-shit today at Walmart and couldn't resist.


Flower in my garden...I'm turning into such a green thumb (this one was already planted (LOL)

Why do they stress me out?

First, thanks to all you who gave me words of encouragement. I am going through with the IVF cycle as planned and I hate my oncologists' nurses. When my IVF nurse says they are bitches (not in those words) and very unprofessional, I have a big problem. They got their stupid note to go through with the ER. Now they are worried about the anesthesia aspect of it. Are you f-ing kidding? I have cancer, that's all, I can handle anesthesia. They want me to have a special consult to make sure it's OK. Umm, I'm not paying for that, plain and simple and I'll take the risks associated with it. What could possibly happen, I get cancer?? HA! Hey if I can't joke about it I'll never make it.

So the plan is to stick to the plan...yeah, I know, confusing.

UGGGGHHH

I am so frustrated right now. I told my IVF nurse that I wouldn't be transferring embies like we have wanted because of the mass in my chest. Now they need another fucking note from my oncologist to say it's OK to stimulate me with this mass. I get they're covering their ass but they already have a note from them saying it's OK why do they need another. Plus, I already have all the damn drugs (almost $4000 worth)...don't even tell me I can't go through with this or you will see a crazy bitch and I am not kidding. To think all this rage and I haven't even started the clomid...yikes.

I'll keep you updated.

My Cancer is back...AGAIN

3rd time's a charm??

Once again, my cancer has returned. For those keeping track, this is 3 times. My CT scan from Monday showed a mass in my chest about 5 inches lower than where they took the tumor in January. This tumor is already 2cm X 1cm, which seems to be growing fairly quick since it didn't show up at all on my March PET or January CT. I met with my radiation oncologist this afternoon (he got me in when he looked at my scan so I didn't have to wait until Monday).

I will call to make an appointment with my medical oncologist on Monday but as of right now, the plan is do not do surgery but to start with the chemo this summer. With a tumor, we can now track how well the chemo is working (a positive). I will know more specific details like when I start when I meet with my oncologist.

It's never easy to hear you have cancer once, and twice is a shock, this time, I guess I expected it. I knew another tumor would pop up eventually since it is in my blood stream but I guess I didn't think it would be this quick. Oh well, now I fight like hell once again and I think this is going to be the toughest fight so far.

So now we will freeze embies (if we get any) instead of transferring ;(

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.

Keep Going

My RE said to continue with our plan and I will start taking Estrace tonight. This will prevent me from getting any follies until I am stimulated. I am so relieved.

SHIT

AF is here...

I have a call into my IVF nurse to see what we do now since I cannot start my Estrace tonight now that she's come. WTF?? I have had normal cycles my entire life and now that it counts it is all messed up. I just hope that there's a reason for this. Maybe God knows that I would do better w/o the Estrace and that's why the day I'm supposed to start it I get my period. I just don't know what the RE will say as to what to do now.

Stay away AF

This might be TMI but I am starting to have discharge like I'm getting my period....crap! I can't get my period yet, it's not time! If I start my period now that means we won't be able to do the "estrogen priming" and we will have to go with just a regular cycle. I called my nurse and she said she thinks it's nothing and calmed me down but I'm still worried.

Com on body, you're doing so well. Don't start AF yet, wait a least a week so I can start my Estrace.

I talked to my IVF nurse about my huge jump in AMH and told her about the wheat grass and DHEA and she is amazed...I love stumping the pros:) I seem to do it so well:)

I am ECSTATIC right now

Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh!!!
So let me start by saying when I first had my AMH (anti-malarian) hormone checked it was .8 (not good). The last time I had it checked it went down to .2 which caused them to diagnose me with POF and said DE would be my only option to have a baby. I started doing some research and started taking 75 mg of DHEA and 7 wheat grass every day since last August with the hope that we could try once more with my own eggs although we knew the chances were very slim. FSH back and it went down from 9 to 7 (YAY). My IVF nurse emailed me today and said that my AMH went from .2 to...wait for it, wait for it...1.4!!! That's right, 1.4 which is in the normal range, although they ideally like it to be over 2 but I'll take it. Holy CRAP I am so excited I can't even speak.

This could really happen!!!

Love Thy Neighbor

I know I do!!





This beautiful plant was waiting for me on my front porch when I got home from work today. Our new neighbors put it on our porch just because they are awesome!!

On the IVF front-I just got a whopping bill for $1200 from my RE's clinic and I'm a little pissed because I've already paid for this and wish it was reflected on my bill. Of course they were closed by the time I got the mail so I have to take time our of work tomorrow to call and sort this out. I am looking forward to getting on with this cycle and starting my Estrace on Friday night.

I had a CT scan of my chest today to see if there is any more cancer in there before we move on with this cycle. I will know the results when I meet with my doctor next week.

FINALLY

I finally got my +OPK this morning. I start Estrace next Friday!! YAY, I was seriously getting worried.

b/w = nothing

The results of my b/w from yesterday are back and I still have not ovulated. She said to continue testing until Thursday or Friday and then come back in again. I drive 45 freaking minutes to get one minute of blood drawn...uggh!

So now I have to go buy pack #3 of OPK's and pray that I ovulate.

Nada

zip, zilch, zero, nil AKA NOTHING

Yesterday's peeing on an OPK revealed nothing. Today I am CD20. I have this afternoon and then it looks like I'm going to have to bite the bullet and go get my E2 tested tomorrow. I am scared that this will be the one and only month that I don't ovulate. What are the odds?

CD 19 and NOTHING

Today is CD 19 and as of yesterday afternoon I still have not seen a + OPK. I have an appointment for Monday to get b/w done. I am praying for a surge this afternoon or tomorrow so I don't have to drive across town to get b/w but I'll do what I have to. It seems like I've been waiting forever and I am ready to get this show on the road.

People keep asking me when I'm going to start chemo and I just have to say that I'm not sure because I don't want anyone to know we're doing this cycle because there's a high chance it won't work again and then I will end up doing the chemo this summer after all.