Bald

I am officially bald. I shaved my head last night because I couldn't deal with how much hair was falling out. It was so hard but I'm OK with it now and think I look ok without hair:)

So here's a couple pics of the event.





there are tears under those eyes


ignore the hair all over me


FINAL PRODUCT

Clumps of hair

My hair has officially started to fall out. Even though I expected it it's still hard to see clumps of hair in my hand when I take a shower. I'm ready for it and have my wig all ready to go and some cute ass hats waiting.

Still in the hospital and probably will be until Sunday or Monday. My white blood cells are going up though, slowly but surely, "stop calling me Shirley"-LOL. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

Chemo sucks

For those that don't follow my cancer blog, I've been in the hospital since Wednesday night with a fever. When you do chemotherapy your white blood cells drop to near nothing so you can't fight off infection so any fever over 100.4 degrees is a must to the ER. My fever was 102.5 on Wednesday so we went to the ER. Until my white blood cells go back up, I'm here at the hospital. I feel OK and my fever is down but I'm just too susceptible to infection for them to let me go home.

Doubling beta prayers go out to Bella when she goes in for her 2nd beta tomorrow morning.

Random Ramblings

So today is Father's Day, as all of us infertiles know. And today, I am really at peace with my infertility. I asked DH if he felt better about our IF now that we had babies on ice and he said he did, which is so nice to hear. This has been something we've been struggling with for over two years now. At times he blamed me, it is my tubes and eggs that suck, but that still doesn't make it easier. We have banded together to make a very solid couple that I am now proud of. Yes, we still have our issues but with all the shit we've been through in our 3 short years of marriage or our 5 years of being together, we've made it and we're stronger because of it.

Today is also the first day of summer. I love summer. Even though all the shit I have to go through this year really does suck, I do love this time if year. My birthday is at the end of July, as well as DH's bday and we enjoy celebrating it together. I realized the other day that I will be getting chemo on my birthday this year...not fun but I truly am blessed to be here on this earth.

On another note, I got AF today and man is she pissed. All these fertility drugs have whomped on my system and it's not pretty (sorry if TMI).

Hope you enjoyed your weekend with your DH.

Cade Anthony is here...

On Friday my friend was induced with her baby boy.
Here are some pics of before and after the baby was born. Click on the pics to make them bigger.

Congrats Carri & Evan

Don't have much to say

I come on here often to check how everyone is doing but don't really have much to say about IF right now. If you're interested in following my cancer blog, please email me at elephantmeg@juno.com and I'll send you the link. I update my cancer blog pretty frequently as to what's happening with my treatments etc.

Know that I'm thinking of you all often and check on you regularly.

Where was I?

Apprantly a man in Florida tried to sell or trade his 6 month old baby on craigs.list. Umm, I'll take it:) But seriously, who does that? Once again, life is not fair and some people should not have children.

I'm off to drink myself into a stupor before starting chemo on Monday...
Have a good one.

Fert Report

Of the 11 eggs retrieved, 5 were mature and 4 fertilized. We have 4 babies on ice!!

Back from ER

They got 11 eggs, 11!!!
I am so happy with that.
The embryologist will call tomorrow morning with the fert report and let me know how many are going to be frozen.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

ER is Tomorrow AM

I am so freaking nervous. I am worried that I am going to ovulate on my own before I get there to get the eggs taken. Oh, I know they've been doing this for years and know what they're doing but I've never been in this place before and don't know if I'll have the chance to ever be here before. I pray for great eggs and strong embies that make it to freeze. They only have to make it 18 hours before they're frozen, just 18 hours.

Andrea gave me a great idea today, since I did my trigger last night, I POAS and got my BFP...ha ha, that will be the only + pregnancy test I'll see for awhile. It was pretty fun though I have to admit even if I knew it wasn't true.

I'll update tomorrow afternoon with how many eggs we get. Until tomorrow....

All Systems GO

I had my u/s today and everything looks awesome! I have 8 follies that are now over 18 and two of those are over 20! RE thinks we should get 8-9 eggs! I am all set to trigger tonight for a 6am retrieval Thursday!

Growing, Growing, Growing

I am so pleased to announce that my follies continue to amaze me at their growth over the last 2 days. All my follies are now over 12, most over 14, and those babies on the left are over 18!! WOOHOO! I filled out all the consent forms today for a Thursday ER. I had to rearrange some other appointments but that's OK, I'm making it work. DH will be at a football camp so I'm driving an hour tomorrow to meet him and have him give me the HCG shot and will get to have dinner with my friend who's 39 weeks pregnant too.

I have an u/s scheduled for tomorrow morning to get a final check on the little beauties growing in my abdomen. He said after the retrieval on Thursday they would fertilize all they could and then freeze them Friday morning. I have a much better chance of more making it to freeze by freezing after 18 hours than if we did it after 3 or 5 days if this was a fresh transfer.

My old RE who said I would never be able to use my own eggs can SUCK IT! Just goes to show that you should never give up and you have to be your own advocate. I'll update with my E2 from today when the nurse calls.

Update: E2 is 911!!

Monitoring Appt. #2

Let me start off by saying my stomach was a wreck last night and this morning before my appointment.

We got to the RE's office and my own RE saw me and did my u/s which is nice because I haven't seen him since I started this cycle. I told him that my cyst was bothering me and he said he'd make sure and drain it when they did the ER. WHEN, not IF! So the 10 follies are doing their thing, some still slow but they are growing and that's all I can ask for. I have two follies on the left that are over 14 so tonight I am starting to inject Ganirelex to make sure I don't ovulate on my own. I am also upping my meds to 300 IU of Gonal F since Ganirelex is a suppression drug. I have several follies on the right that are now over 10, so that's good but they are just over 12 so we want them to grow a bit more. I think I have 2-3 that are still at 7 or 8 but that's OK.

I have another monitoring appointment on Monday at 11:15 am and that night we'll probably do the trigger shot. He said I would have an ER Wednesday or Thursday!! He's going to go ahead and retrieve whatever I have since I'm starting the chemo next week. An EGG RETRIEVAL, did you hear that everyone?? HOLY MOLY!

I'll update with my E2 when I know it.

GROW FOLLIES, GROW!

EDIT: E2 is 560!!!!

All or Nothing

I am so nervous about tomorrow morning's appointment. This one really is make or break. If we don't have growing follies, we're done. I hate to be so what seems like negative, but I have to get on with chemo and getting this cancer gone.

If you have any extra prayers, please say them for me that we get some follies and get to do an ER early next week.

Thanks!

Only have 2 days available for ER

In getting ready to start chemo on the 15th, I'm sure you can imagine how many appointments I'm going to have. Normally my RE does egg retrievals on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesdays. I know mine won't be on Monday because I have a monitoring appointment on Saturday and that wouldn't be enough time to give the HSG shot (which is OK because we're going to a chemo class on Monday morning). The class is a what to expect...rather funny since I would rather be learning how to become a mother, not a cancer patient.

The nurse thinks more like Tuesday or Wednesday...which is fine. IF, I happen to need longer I'm not sure what I will do. I have a PET scan scheduled for next Friday and I have to get my chemo port put in on Thursday so that really doesn't leave me any other time. DH has a football camp to go to, which I wish he wouldn't but I won't ask him to miss, so I'm going to be doing most of these things (with the exception of the ER because he has to be there) on my own. He offered to not go to his camp but he said it in the way that husbands do when they really want to go and want your blessing, you know what I mean?

I don't mind going to things alone, but my chemo port I won't be able to drive because I'll be sedated so I have to ask my mom. Just another pain in the ass for me...oh well, I'll live.

Thanks for listening to yet another rant.

Monitoring Appt. #1

I have five follicles less than 10 on both ovaries, that's 10 freaking eggs I could have. My IVF nurse was very pleased with this number. I am still very skeptical because of the fact that this is the way they've started out all other times too and then never grown. I start taking Estrace again tonight so that should help my E2 levels and get those follies growing. She was a little concerned about the cyst on my let side that I've had forever...it's 42X41 (HUGE). She said she was worried about not getting anything from that side but then saw I had 5 follies over there so was a little relieved. I just wish they would've drained it before since I've had it and they continue to see it.

Continue on the meds I am taking and my next monitoring appointment (the true test) is Saturday at 8:45 am.

UPDATE: nurse just called and my E2 is 112....this is the highest it's ever been at this point, normally I'm around 70 and she said I had 6 more follicles than I ever have too.

Cha Ching

Just got 12 vials of Menopur in a package on my doorstep...$706.00 later...HOLY CRAP! I'm scared to think of how much I've spent on meds this cycle. It's over $3000 that's for sure. YIKES!

Slight freak out

Just as DH and I are preparing the meds for tonight's injections we were saying how good we were getting at this. I inject my Gonal F and all was well.. I go to get the needle from DH with Menopur in it and he's trying to get the air bubble out of the top but there's fluid coming out and I don't want to waste the meds so I decide to inject it anyway. I inject it and it burns, but it's Menopur and it does that, and then I get to the air bubble and it feels 'weird' going in. DH proceeds to tell me that it's not good that I injected the air bubble and that it could be dangerous. Well too fucking late now, it's already done. We proceed to yell at each other about how I didn't listen to him and how he's not helping the situation. I know this is just stress of IF but I hate that we argue about stupid shit like this. I know it's fine, probably not the best, with the air bubble but I'm not going to die (I googled it:).

Thanks for listening to my rant.

So far so...

good, I guess. I'm taking all my meds as directed and not feeling any s/e of Clomid or the other hormones which is good (mainly for my DH). I had to drive across Denver today to pick up two vials of Menopur that I need for tonight's injections and the rest will come via overnight mail tomorrow. I was shocked though when I went to the RE's office to get them that they were only $52 each. Umm, I pay $57 through the online pharmacy which is supposed to be the best price. Apparently not! I spent another $600 today on Menopur. This shit is getting expensive when I'm taking 3 vials a night. Now when I have the Gonal F hook-up I don't need to take as much as I did last time. Dang it!

Hopefully it will all be worth it. I can't believe I could be having an ER one week from today!

U/S still set for Wed.