Still no LH Surge

Just wanted to give you an update...
I've been doing my OPK's every day since CD8 (as directed) and it is now CD16 and still nothing. She said that if I don't see anything by CD17 (tomorrow) then I should call and come in for b/w. I know I don't O before CD17 so hopefully I'll see the two lines tomorrow. Hopefully those will be two lines of many to come ;)

Money, Money, Money, Money, MONEY

I hope you were singing the song as you read the title;)

I have been through this journey before but I forgot how incredibly expensive things are when your insurance doesn't cover a lick of IVF. Don't get me wrong, with all my other health stuff I am so happy I have insurance but come on. There are things that I KNOW Kaiser does for fertile patients that they refuse to do for me since I'm infertile and doing IVF. For example, my HSG this week. They do that, I know they do but anything to help me get pregnant they are not going to cover.

And I digress...
I spent $813 on my appointment on Thursday with the RE for my mock transfer and HSG then when I got home there was a message from the pharmacy for me to pay for my meds and have them delivered next week. That was another $635. That's $1448 spent in the course of 2 hours and as of now, I have nothing to show for it. I know, I know, it will all be worth it in the end if I get pregnant but it's still hard right now when I'm trying to pay off my credit cards and here I am putting more on them!

Everything is clear

I had my mock transfer and HSG today. The mock transfer was not bad at all, the HSG was a bit painful. It was really bad cramping but I obviously lived through it so it's not that bad. The HSG showed that my uterus is all clear. I have a cyst on my left ovary but that has been there since I started puberty so they aren't worried about it. I'm testing every day with OPK's for my LH surge and when I get it I am to call my IVF nurse. One week after my surge I start Estrace.

So many positive things are happening, I'm scared what's going to go wrong. Thinking positive.

OMG, My horoscope

Take a look at the horoscope I have set up to show on my FB page and update daily. I haven't looked at it in over a week and looked today.


If you are looking to expand your family right now is the best time to get to work! If not, get out there and get creative, start up a new hobby or craft or distract yourself with playful entertainment. If you are not a parent, you may find yourself entertaining someone else's kids.

Drug Shipment #1

My shipment of Gonal F arrived today, waiting on my doorstep when I got home all bundled up in a fridge pack. Ascend Pharmacy called today to set up the delivery (and payment) of my next shipment. I will call and arrange everything tomorrow. We're waiting to order to post transfer meds to see if I will for sure be doing a transfer.

WOW, I can't believe I'm doing all this again...

SHG & Mock Transfer

Scheduled!!

Thursday afternoon.

Please, please, please, let's not see any other issues:)

Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum

I am so sad for my dear friend whose baby shower was supposed to be today. She is still pregnant but canceled her shower because just found out the other day that her baby has Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum. The corpus callosum is a collection of many millions of nerve fibers in the middle of the brain. One of its functions is to connect the right and left side of the brain to allow for communication between the two sides, or hemispheres. The corpus callosum coordinates signals from different parts of the brain and helps us in our thinking. Their baby is completely missing this part of its brain. They are having several tests and an amnio this week to see if the baby has more issues than this. The doctor says the baby can lead a fairly normal life but won't know how severe it is until its born. After 3 miscarriages this just doesn't seem fair to her.

Please say a prayer for my friend and her baby.

b/w results

FSH 7!!!!!!!!

E2 <20!!!!!!!

So far so good.

I am elated!

And the oncologist said...

That is should be fine to try and get pregnant as long as I do a scan mid-May to make sure everything is clear!! He doesn't think I'm crazy and doesn't think it's a stupid idea!! This is my radiation oncologist and I still have to run this by my regular oncologist who was going to administer the chemo.

I had my CD3 b/w today and talked to the IVF nurse about all this. She said that she's excited and very hopeful for us. I told her about the clinic diagnosing me with POF and she didn't think that was an accurate diagnosis and it was more likely DOR. We will have my FSH back within a day or two and then we can go from there.

HOLY CRAP this is craziness. Pray for good eggs, pray for good eggs!!

I've got the FEVER

BABY FEVER that is!

I think I am losing my mind. DH and I talked last night and our thoughts are that if it is safe, we might just go ahead and transfer embies instead of freezing them. After I complete radiation (TOMORROW!!) my cancer that they removed should be gone. It took nearly three years for my first cancer to come back. I plan to ask my radiation oncologist today if getting pregnant would be safe for me and more importantly, the baby (ies). If he says it's OK and we can actually get some eggs, we might do this. I am, after all, choosing to do chemo even though there is no cancer right now in my body they can detect. This is all happening so quick and I'm not sure how to process. Of course if the doctors say no, then we will pray for great embies to freeze and go with our original plan. ER is tentatively scheduled for the first week in June.

What a change of events!

I'll let you know what the oncologists say!

Things are Lookin UP

I have more hope right now than I have in a LONG time. My oncologist sent the letter to my RE saying I could do this EPP cycle. I started AF this week so tomorrow I go in for my CD3 b/w and then am ready to go! I am having irrational thoughts though that if we actually get embies (we've never gotten them the last 2 cycles we've done) I will want to transfer them and not chance the freezing process.

In AWESOME news, a very good friend, I'm not going to mention her name in case she doesn't want me to, is giving me her RX for Gonal F that will be shipped to my house since she can't use her script. I cannot even tell you how grateful I am to this person (you know who you are). Not only is she amazing for doing this, but she's been so supportive for me during this whole process and understands what I'm going through. So I will now be saving several hundred dollars, if not a thousand. My IVF nurse said she could get me samples of other stuff so I'll only have to pay for Menopur. Could good things actually be happening?? Now let's get some EGGS!!

Life is UNFAIR

As I was visiting my friend and her baby at Children's Hospital today I truly realized that some people f-ing suck and life really is not fair. I was talking to her and her DH and they said that in the 7 days they've been there there are a couple babies that have had NO ONE in with with. Not one freaking person. The nurses rock them and soothe them when they cry. One baby needs a heart transplant but the mother dropped her off somewhere and took off and without the mother's consent they can't give her a heart transplant so she'll most likely die. WHAT THE F&*^ is wrong with this world where people like us wold give anything to have a baby and then those people don't even care for theirs when they're sick? It makes me so angry, if you can't tell.

It was so sad being in the NICU and seeing all those little babies just sick.
On the upside, my friend's baby will probably get to go home tomorrow as long as he doesn't have a seizure tonight.

PS. AF just started and I called to schedule my CD3 b/w...nervous that this one might not work either and this is the one that counts because I will officially be infertile after chemo.

Prayers for Baby Connor

My dear friend had her baby last week. Connor was born on Monday, April 6th and mom was induced two weeks early and he was still 9 pounds, 6 ounces...HOLY COW!

A few days after being born Connor started to have seizures so he was transported to Children's Hospital here in Denver. He was doing well and not having seizures and was ready to go home until he has another seizure yesterday and now it's back to square one. They believe he has early epilepsy. The good thing about this (and I can speak from my brother's experience) is that he will most likely grow out of this by the age of 2. Scary stuff for a mom though. I don't know how they are dealing with all this and their 2 year old. I am going to see them this afternoon after my radiation appointment (don't worry it's not dangerous to the baby). He has to go 24-48 hours without a seizure before he can go home.

If you can say an extra prayer today for Baby Connor I would appreciate it.

THANKS!!

Digging through some boxes

And this is one of the books I found that was given to me 3 years ago because she was sure I would be next!!



As I was searching for this picture I realized there is a much more up to date version with a newer cover and cuter person on the front. Has it been that long since I started TTC? It reminded me of how full of hope I was when I started this journey. I remember looking at the pregnancy symptoms and being convinced I was indeed pregnant. Oh how times have changed. To tell you the truth, it didn't even phase me to see the book (maybe it did since I'm blogging about it). I am so numb to everything now and know this isn't "my time" and I've accepted that.

I've started looking into adoption and what it entails. I have talked more to DH about it and he seems a little more open that before so that's good. I used Andrea's approach that she suggested which is tell him we should start the adoption process now and then when I can carry a baby (3-5 years after chemo) we can do DE. He's mulling it over:) I know I will become a mom at some point in my life, I just wish it could be now when everyone else has the little ones for them to play with...oh well!

Prayer & Update

I know I haven't been on in awhile, I have been so tired from doing radiation and going back to work this week. TGIF is for sure!! My grandfather went into the hospital this week to have a blood clot removed from behind his knee and when they got in there and tried to remove it they realized he didn't have any viable veins left in his legs so they ended up amputating his right leg just above the knee. My Grandma is devastated but I keep telling her to try and remain positive that he's still with us and that says a lot. If you have an extra prayer, my grandpa and grandma could use it.

As for the update with my IVF-
I got all my b/w done besides the CD3 which I will have done mid-April. I got an email yesterday from the office of my oncologist that said they have received info from my RE about the stim drugs etc. I am now worried that they will say they don't want me to do a final IVF to just get eggs. I will be freezing embroyos only, not doing a transfer due to chemo in May/June. If they say that I will fight them since I am CHOOSING to do chemo, not being told that I HAVE to.

I'll keep you updated!!