Surgery Update

The surgery went well today. They got the three tumors. One of them was on the bottom of my lung so they just clipped a small amount of my lower lobe but didn't have to take the whole lobe so that's a relief. My incision is not nearly as big as the right side but I also have not seen it yet, just taking others' word for it. I am feeling OK mainly because I got an epidural again for the main part where they did the incision. I do have a significant amount of pain in my left shoulder because they had to go through muscles in my shoulder and the epidural can't go up that high because it would cause breathing issues. I anticipate getting out of the hospital by the end of the week.

Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers.

PS. As I am writing this I am watching a show on the McCoy septuplets that just turned 13 and they are showing their infant stages and man can I relate to some of it already:)

Surgery #2

Just an FYI, surgery to remove the tumors from my left side is scheduled for tomorrow at 7:30 AM. I will post and let you know how I'm doing. This surgery should be a lot less invasive than the last.

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers.

Merry Christmas!

2 Month Stats

The babies had their 2 month appointment today and the pediatrician was thrilled with their progress, as were we.

Kesleigh: 11 lbs 12 oz.
Preston: 8 lbs 2 oz.
Gavin: 9 lbs 2 oz.

As you can see the babies are growing like crazy. Kesleigh is in the 75th percentile for her weight and that's not adjusted for her prematurity. She is also in the 90th percentile for her head not adjusted for her prematurity. The boys are both at the 5-10th percentile before adjusted for prematurity and the 50th percentile with it adjusted for their prematurity.

WARNING-GROSS PIC

So you are aware of how gig the tumor was, here is the incision. It's HUGE!
I am home and doing pretty well. It still takes my breath and energy away to do small things like walk up the stairs but I am getting better and on good pain meds:) I have a post op appointment in the next two weeks and it will probably be my pre-op for the left side surgery. That surgery shouldn't be nearly as big as this last one. Hopefully they will be able to peel the tumor away instead of having to take another lobe. The good news is that my breathing will go back to normal (or somewhat normal). We do live at high altitude though so that makes it a bit tougher but oh well.

OK, here's the pic of the incision, don't look if you're squeamish.

I'm OK

Last night was a little rough but we are trying to get things under control. The epidural is still working but not covering the large span of my back as it was before. Right now we are playing with med doses etc. I am still having some trouble breathing but that's to be expected and it's getting better. The biggest trouble is taking a deep breath.

I am not sure if people are aware of how much of my lung they took, Originally the surgeon said he was going to have to take my entire left lung due to the size but instead took about 80% of it. The tumor was one giant one THE SIZE OF A CANTALOUPE! I cannot get over how big that is.

Surgery

First, thank you for all the well wishes from the last post, I cried as I read them that people that I've never even met can be such an amazing support system...thank you!

Surgery is set for Friday, I have to be at the hospital by 6am (no big deal since we have to be up for the 4am feeding). I am going to miss my babies but I will also be able to catch up on sleep that I have definitely been missing. We are still debating on whether to bring the babies to the hospital to visit me. We are worried about germs but I think if they stay covered in their stroller until they get to my room they should be fine. I am also going to be on a floor where everyone has had chest surgery so it's not like everyone is sick. What are your thoughts?

I will have my husband update the blog to let you know how everything went with surgery.

A big thank you to Mrs. Hoppy for bringing us food today. We had never even met and she wanted to help out. Thank you!

Cancer Vent

I need to vent and here is the only place I feel like I can really let it all out so here it goes...

My thoracic surgeon called and wants to do surgery to remove the tumors on my right side next week. This surgery will be bigger than any I've had in the past and recovery will be rough (his words). I will be in the hospital for a week and recovery time will be 6-8 weeks. TO add to that, he wants to go in and get the tumors on the left side 2-3 weeks after the left side surgery. We can't do it all at once because it's too much for my body to handle. Of course my biggest concern is these babies. My husband can't do it all alone. Yes, we have parents here and yes people have offfered to help but I feel so terrible having to be away from them. I know this is what I need to do in order to give me a better chance of survival but I just keep thinking that if I hadn't been so slefish in wanting babies that we woulnd't be in this situation.

What if I don't make it through it this time? What if my babies don't even get to have any memories of me but through the pictures we have taken so far? I know this sounds so morbid. In the past I thought about cancer taking me but nothing like this. I don't want my babies to grow up without a mom, I don't want my husband to lose his wife, I don't want my parents to lose a daughter, and I don't want my siblings to lose a sister.

My elderly neighbor just came over as I was writing this post and brought me a dozen yellow roses and a bamboo plant. As we were talking she says "God never gives us more than we can handle" and she doesn't know about any of the cancer stuff. It's so true and I needed to hear that.

Thanks for letting me vent (and cry as I wrote this post).

Dogs, Cats, & Babies (Oh My)

I think the animals are adjusting well to having these three little ones around, what do you think?



Lucky napping on the boppy stack

Thankful

This Thanksgiving there are so many things that I have to be thankful for, some might be somewhat surprising to some. First and foremost I am thankful for the miracle of my beautiful babies, every day they light up my life. I am thankful for the journey that we had to take to get these babies. Yes, infertility is a terrible journey but my marriage is stronger because of it and I have learned so much about myself and my body (I really do feel like I could be an RE). I am thankful for God and his path for me. I know it is so cliche to hear "Everything happens for a reason," but I truly believe that. Granted I did not want to listen to this when the bad things were going on but I kept on trucking knowing that it would all turn out OK. There was a reason why I didn't get pregnant with IVF 1 & 2, there is a reason God gave us THREE beautiful babies. I am so grateful for my wonderful husband and my amazing support system of family ad friends, there is no way we would be able to do this without them. Finally, I am grateful for my medical insurance and the amazing medical care I receive on an ongoing basis whether it be for the babies or for my own cancer. I cannot imagine not having insurance and pray often for those who do not have it that they remian healthy.

So Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours and I hope you have a wonderful day!

Due Date!

Today is my 40 week due date!
We have 5 1/2 week old babies instead and wouldn't trade anything in the world for them!

One Month Stats

The babies had their one month pediatrician appointment today and they are all thriving.They actually weighed Kesleigh twice because they were surprised she had gained so much weight:) They all got one shot today and were not happy about it but are doing fine now.

Here are their current stats:

Kesleigh:
Birth: 5lbs 8 oz. 18"
1 Month: 7 lbs 9 oz. 20 1/4"

Preston:
Birth: 3lbs 7 oz 17 1/4"
1 Month: 5 lbs 8 oz. 18 1/4"

Gavin:
Birth: 4lbs 13.7oz 18 1/4"
1 Month: 6 lbs 6 oz. 19"

One Month!!

Can you believe the babies are one month old?? Where does the time go? And to think my due date isn't until next Tuesday:) Happy birthday babies!

It's Back...

First of all let me say that our babies are doing wonderful! Each of them is really developing their own personality and we can't wait to see them get bigger.

As you know I was not able to have any scans while I was pregnant so on Monday I went in and had a CT scan of my chest to see how things looked. I met with my oncologist today and I have five tumors in my chest. Four are very small and he's not really concerned about them. The fifth is large (6 inches) and is in my lower right lung.

The plan is for me to enroll in a clinical trial for sarcomas where I will try out the drug they have and see if it works to shrink the tumors and stop the growth. There are two trials that are options for me right now. The one we are going to start with I have to get a biopsy to determine if I have a non-mutant gene form of the cancer. If I have the non-mutant gene then I am a candidate, if not I will go with the other trial. I don't know much about the trial yet other than it is in the early stages and though there is less toxicity with this drug there is also not a whole lot known. I should hear from the cancer center early next week and make an appointment to meet with the trial coordinator and schedule a biopsy.

I am really positive about everything and won't have to lose my hair again with either drug choice:)

Serenity

Kesleigh

Preston

Gavin

All 3 Home

All three babies have officially come home! We went and picked up Preston early this afternoon and so far things are going pretty well with all three home. The first feeding time with all three of them was a little chaotic but that's to be expected. We did a little tweaking with their schedules and who ate when and they are all napping right now (off and on).

1+1= 2

Gavin is home!!

We went and picked him up yesterday afternoon and spent some time with little Preston before we brought Gavin home. Right now we have Gavin on a schedule about 30 minutes behind Kesleigh so hopefully we can keep that going. Gavin is way better at breast feeding than Kesleigh but that's OK. Right now we are doing breast milk one feeding (either by bottle or breast)and the next feeding is on Neosure which is a formula with high calories specifically for premature babies. They definitely like the breast milk better.


Now for pics of Gavin's homecoming:




With his sister

Gavin's Getting Out

Gavin is getting out of the NICU tomorrow! We will call in the morning to see when he will be ready to go and then that's that, another baby home!

Kesleigh's first night was a little rough (on us, not her) but last night was much better after we did some tweaking she's now on a great schedule, let's hope Gavin will adopt a similar one.

Preston is doing great. He is gaining weight like crazy to get to be the 4 pounder he needs to be to get out of the NICU. It will probably be another week or so until he's home with us but that will give us time to get the other two on a schedule with each other.

It is so hard though to leave any of them in the NICU when you have one (or now two) home. I know they are getting the best care and are getting loved on all the time but it's still hard. Someone goes to visit them every day (sometimes more than once/day).

Kesleigh is Home

Kesleigh came home this morning. We roomed in last night at the hospital. It went pretty well but we didn't sleep much. She was pretty good but every little sound she made we were awake for which makes today a little rough but so worth it to see our little girl home and healthy. They boys should follow soon although it was VERY hard to leave them at the hospital this morning and take their sister home.

Going Home Outfit

Milk Update

I have started drinking the Mother's Milk tea (not bad tasting either) and taking the Fengureek. I also talked to my nurse at the peri's office and she gave me a prescription for Reglan so I've started taking that as well. I take 4 pills/day this week, then 3 pills/day next week...you get the idea. It's supposed to work wonders to I will let you know. Even taking the Fengureek and tea I am seeing somewhat an improvement in my milk supply (maybe it's all mental but who cares). The nurse also told me to drink an Easy Street or Blue Moon beer at night after a pump session. Since these beers are unfiltered their yeast helps the milk ducts stay open and with just one beer it will be out of my system by the time I pump again. That for sure should help me relax and I love Easy Street. That's the latest from here, I will keep you updated on if this stuff works.

Thanks for all the comments and encouraging words from my last post.

Milk Woes

Remember how in my last post i said that pumping/breast feeding is hard. Let me rephrase. Pumping is hard. It's hard when your babies are in the NICU and you're supposed to produce milk for them even though they aren't in front of you. My body is very confused. This weekend the thought of pumping made me cry (literally). I feel/felt like such a failure as a mother that I wasn't able to give my babies what they need. I have started taking Mother's Milk tea and Fungureek pills to aid in lactation. I hope they can help up my supply at least a little. I am able to breast feed the babies when I go into the NICU (which is 2x/day) so that's a positive. My nurse has "written orders" that I need to at least put a baby to breast every time I come in to help with milk supply as well.

I know full well that I will probably not be able to supply enough milk for 3 babies to have solely as their source of food but it makes me sad that I can't even provide enough for one.

I will keep you updated on my progress.

Update on Mommy (1 week pp)

So many of you have asked how I'm doing so here it goes...
I am still very sore from the c section. My section went as planned but we did realize as soon as I was open that all the muscles in the front of my stomach TORE while I was pregnant so when I sit up or do any kind of flex of my stomach it makes a tent shape. My incision looks great so there is no issue with healing besides the fact that it takes time:)

The emotions of postpartum have definitely come into play. I just started crying uncontrollably the other night on the way down to the hospital because I didn't think they babies were being held enough. I'm not depressed per say, just overly emotional.

Breast Feeding: It's hard work. I mainly pump everything and bring it into the NICU and then they get donor breast milk if mine isn't enough. My milk just came in the other day but I still don't feel like I'm getting enough.

6 Days Old

Kesleigh:
Current Weight: 5lbs, 9 oz.
Birth Weight: 5lbs. 8 oz.
Took two full feedings today via bottle.
















Preston:
Current Weight: 3lbs, 8 oz.
Birth Weight: 3lbs. 7 oz.
Passed his birth weight
Back on billi lights (called a billi rebound, very common) will be re-checked Saturday morning and will hopefully come off for good).
Latched on to the breast for first time tonight, did a great job and was able to get a little milk.

















Gavin:
Current Weight: 4lbs, 9 oz.
Birth Weight: 4lbs. 14 oz.
Took to the breast well yesterday.
Still on billi lights, will be checked Friday morning.