Not so good news...

Dr. A called just a bit ago and said that he had a chance to look over the scan and the lymph node is larger than before by about a centimeter, which means it has doubled in size since 3 months ago. There really isn't an option now but to operate and remove the node and have it biopsied. He did have a chest surgeon look at the scan as well and has a call into my oncologist, and is having another oncologist look at it as well. He said I should hear from the chest surgeon in the next two days to come in and see him and probably get the surgery scheduled.

I really am just numb right now to be honest, nothing really surprises me anymore with my health.

To stay positive Dr. did say that "IF" this is cancer, people who have had metastasis in one area like this have done really well and we might just be able to take it out and not even do treatment. Remember, we don't know if this is my cancer returning, we still have to biopsy it yet. I am realistic and know it's a distinct possibility, but we still don't know everything.

I appreciate your thoughts and prayers and will keep you up to date as I know things.

Appreciate the life you have

Today's post is not about IF, how bad it sucks, or anything like that. Today's post is an appreciation of my life and the wonderful friends and family I have.

Today I got news that another girl my age (30) passed away from cancer. I had been communicating with this girl since her diagnosis 10 months ago. Her cancer spread to all her internal organs and just before Thanksgiving she made the choice to stop her chemo and enjoy what was left of her life. I don't blame her and she got to spend the holidays with her friends and family without being sick from the chemo.

Words can't even describe what emotions I am feeling right now. Yes, I am sitting here crying because I am so sad for her DH, her family, her friends. It isn't fair. Why should someone so young have to be taken away? Why is cancer everywhere? Why isn't there a cure? I guess this might be harder for me than for others because I am a cancer survivor. I went in today for my CT scan with the confidence that my cancer has not come back. I am so hopeful that it hasn't, but today just shows that cancer doesn't care how old you are or if you have family that loves you. Cancer fucking sucks!

To everyone who reads this: Appreciate the people you have in your life because you never know when something may happen. I am so grateful for everything and everyone in my life.

Thanks Andrea

Just want to say thank you to Andrea for the cute blog heading she made me.
I've learned and met so many people from blogging and am so grateful for each one of you. Infertility sucks but you gals make it so much easier to get through it day by day.

((HUGS)) to you all.

Have a great week!

A time when I was proud of myself...

OK Andrea, this is for you and your contest...

I would have to say a time when I was most proud of myself was in 2006. I had a lump in my neck and I had gone to the Dr once where they said there was nothing wrong and that I just had a herniated disc. I went on and got married on September 16, 2006 and the bump was not getting any smaller. I went back to the Dr, after my wedding and she immediately referred me to a ENT to get the lump looked at more closely. She did ask if I had a history of cancer in my family to which I was very pissed about. I went to my ENT (who is a God sent to me now that I know him)and he tried to do a biopsy. I passed out three different times during the biopsy due to the pain. He then ordered another biopsy where I would be sedated. This biopsy went much better as far as pain. Withing two days I was informed that I had synovial cell sarcoma in my neck. A very rare cancer that is usually within the arms and legs. I was alone at this appointment because I didn't want anyone with me because I wanted to be able to deal with this diagnosis on my own. No Dr.in Colorado or the United State had ever seen this kind of cancer within the neck. No Dr. knew what my treatment should be. I went to Dr. after Dr., all telling me different treatments to try. I finally made the decision to have surgery to remove the tumor and then do the radiation treatment. I have had clean scans up until October of 2008 where I was confronted with my first possible metastasis (spreading of the cancer). I will be having a CT scan tomorrow to determine if the cancer has spread to my chest region. If the cancer has spread I will have surgery to remove the lymph node and have it biopsied. If the lymph node is no longer active I will continue on with my current plan for IVF #3 and it WILL WORK!!

OK, long winded it was.
Long story short, I am proud of myself for kicking cancer's ass and plan to do it again if the need arises. Andrea, I know you will do exactly the same thing!!!

We're buying a house!!

We put an offer in a on a house yesterday and they accepted it today!! Agggh, I can't believe it. Keep in mind we plan to "grow" into this house, hopefully have a couple kids...

Here's some pics of the new house...keep in mind this is how the other people have it decorated, I have so many ideas.

Are you F-ing kidding me??

I was just on Facebook, it's very addictive you know?? This chic I know asked if I could do family pics for her. I went to go comment on her wall and see her comment from yesterday that says, "Dr. appointment went well, we heard the heartbeat and my due date has been moved to Aug. 10th"

OK what the fuck is all I have to say! This woman is the most fertile person in the world. She has 3 other kids (she's 32)and her youngest is just over one. Her husband is only home on the weekend so how the hell does she get knocked up all the time?? Don't get me wrong, she's a great mom but come on...

I know we hear this all the time but I am so sick of people just thinking about getting pregnant and bamm they are!

OK, my rant is over! Thanks for listening, Happy New Year!

Random: Proud of myself

This is totally not TTTC related but I was just playing with new new Photoshop 7 and wanted to show what I did..yeah I know not all that impressive but I'm pretty proud of myself:) I took the picture, made it b/w and then colored in the details.

Baby steps, baby steps