NO KITTY CANCER!!

I am thrilled! The vet just called and the biopsy of my cat's cells came back and it looks like it's just a bad infection. He's on his antibiotics and just before he finishes them they want him to come in for another chest xray. What a weight lifted from me!

I have my oncology appointment today at 2:30. I know I have cancer so now we just wait to see what treatment will be.

Thanks ladies for your amazing support with me (and my animals).

A pic of my kitty

Here's a pic of my kitty that I've been so worried about.
He's by no means out of the woods and I still have to wait until the biopsy comes back early next week.

**He's sleeping in the dog kennel**

More composed today

I am doing so much better today than last night...thank you for all the sweet comments.

The vet called this afternoon and my cat's b/w came back all normal with the exception of his white blood cells which were extremely elevated. Now she's hoping that it is just a bad case of pneumonia. I really do hope it's pneumonia and not cancer. He's now on heavy antibiotics (two kinds) so we'll see how that goes. The biopsy results should be in Monday or Tuesday.

This cat was my first animal that I owned on my own. I got him when I was a sophomore in college so he's very special to me (aren't all pets?).

Thanks again ladies.

I F-ing hate cancer

I have to make this short because I don't want to start crying again like I have been all day...

So to make my life even fucking better than it has been lately, my cat might have cancer, more likely than not he does. I have had this cat for 12 years and am just devastated. OK, here comes to tears so I have to go.

Please say a prayer for my kitty.

I had a dream

I don't even know the last time I had a dream that I was pregnant or had a baby but last night I had one. I woke up and could see the baby and she even had a name.

And so I digress..
Since I have had the flu all weekend I've stopped taking my pain meds from my surgery and good Lord am I have withdrawals. Not the withdrawals you might think of but uncontrollable crying at nothing at all. This is nothing new for me because when I was first diagnosed in 2006 I had the exact experience. I don't think it's helping me that I don't have a baby, nor do I see one in my near future. If I do have to do chemo (or even if I don't) we don't have the money to do a DE cycle. Don't get me wrong, I love my DH and would love to just spend my life with him. However, those of you who are/have dealt with infertility know that the longing for a child never goes away.

This weekend I am spending Saturday with my dear friend who is 22 weeks pregnant and then Sunday having lunch with another friend who is 30 weeks. I don't begrudge either of them but I'm not sure that with my mental state right now should be having so much time with such pregnant women. Oh well, I'll deal and it will be good to not dwell on my woes.

I do have an appointment with a medical oncologist next Tuesday and hopefully we will be able to map out somewhat of a plan.

Happy Valentine's Day

More news..

I had put a call into my IVF nurse last week to see what my options were as far as if I had to do chemo and what to do with my EPP cycle. She called me this morning and said she spoke with my RE and he said not to put off chemo for a cycle. I told her I was worried about my eggs already being crap and that the chemo would push that over the edge. She said that they both felt that DE were the best option for me and that I might even consider surrogacy since I will have all those chemicals in my body. Umm, WTF, that's NEVER been brought up. People who have had chemo can carry a child can't they? In talking with Andrea, I've learned lots of things about DE and that a shared cycle could be a lot more affordable than I thought (OK, $15K isn't exactly affordable, but it's better than $30K).

Now I sit and wait to hear from the docs to see what my treatment options are for my cancer and see what the oncologist says about doing one last cycle (or attempting to) with my own eggs. The nurse today sounded pretty bleak that it would even work so that's not promising. She was the one who got me so hyped on this EPP, what the hell? She did say that they would do whatever I wanted to since I was the patient so that's good.

Well, I guess that's all my ranting for now. I'll let you know when I hear news.