Update

Just a quick update on me....
We made it to Wicked...awesome show!

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow morning to talk with a thoracic surgeon about possibly having another surgery to remove this tumor. I started radiation but had fluid build up around the tumor site so they couldn't be 100% accurate with the radiation. I had a chest tub inserted to drain the fluid but it was bumping up against my nerve so it hurt like hell.

I am done with all this cancer shit.

I love seeing so many that I *know* in the cyber world getting pregnant but it's still so hard to know that I won't be there any time soon (if ever). DH and I have been talking about possibly not having kids-I don't think either one of us are serious though. I have had 2 good friends offer to be surrogates for me. I don't know if I could do that though.

I'll update when I have more of a plan with what to do with this tumor in my chest.

Thanks for checking in.

Wickedly Determined

Just a quick update on me. I started radiation and after two treatments they saw a lot of fluid near my lungs and they didn't want to treat anymore until it was drained. I had the fluid removed Thursday and also had a catheter put into my chest to continue to drain the fluid throughout radiation. Holy shit is all I can say. This is probably the most painful surgery I've ever had and I can't even count how many I've had. The pain meds aren't even toughing the pain which is frustrating in itself. I thought I could go back to work on Friday but I must have been smoking crack to think that. I don't even know if I will go Monday. DH and I have tickets to see Wicked tomorrow night and I am determined to go, even if I am uncomfortable.

78.9

78.9 is my current FSH!!!
Holy shit!
That really puts things into perspective.
Four months ago it was 7!
Can you say chemo induced menopause?

Still having terrible hot flashes.
I'm one treatment in for my 10 treatments of radiation and it's absolutely terrible this time around. It's just 10 treatments though and I can and will get through it.

Radiation Round 3

I start my third round of radiation on MOnday. Well, I go in for my dry run on MOnday and they might do my first treatment then. I am doing much better since my last entry. I am back at work full time and my students make me smile every day. I will do five treatments of radiation, each lasting about 45 minutes. In the past I've had to do 33 treatments so I'll take five even if they are a little longer than before.

Thank you for all your words of encouragement.

Down in the Dumps

I'm done with chemo but for the last few days I've just felt like shit. I am so beaten down by this cancer and everything that comes with it. My oncologist and radiation oncologist have both said that it's only a matter of time until another tumor shows up. So then tell me, what the fuck was the point of going through shitty chemo and now another round of radiation (this will make #3). I almost feel embarrassed to go into the radiation treatment room because I am back once again. I'm really considering not doing treatment when it comes back again. I just can't do this for the rest of my life. Oh course this scares my DH that I've given up. Maybe it's just a phase but I'm so tired. All I've been since I was diagnosed 3 years ago is positive and WTF has it gotten me?

I'm not suicidal, don't worry, just tired and overwhelmed.

Thanks for listening...I can't exactly post this sort of a rant on my cancer blog...people would freak.

Lupron's Got Nothing on Menopause

Remember me saying how I was excited that I wasn't going to have a period for awhile while I was on chemo?? I take it back, I take it all back. The hot flashes I'm having are ridiculous. I'll take AF back with open arms, just make these stop! Sleeping is a nightmare.

A little update on me since some of you were asking-
I finished round 5 of chemo last week...yeah, that was supposed to be it. Well, at my weekly oncology appointment my doctor talked about possibly doing a 6th round. Ugg, I was so excited to be done. I understand that he wants to get the most bang for our buck but why do that to a girl? I just want to be done and have my hair start growing back (although I haven't shaved in 3 months). So with one of the drugs there is a lifetime max that your body can handle before you are at a severe increased risk of congestive heart failure. That amount is 450 units and after my last treatment I am at 360 units. If I did one more round I would be at 430 units. I had a heart scan on Tuesday to see how my heart muscles are doing and I have a PET scan Tuesday. After the doc has had a chance to look at both of those he'll decide if I will do another round, starting the 28th. It's a toss up...yes, I want it all gone and want to do everything but I'm so sick of this shit and want to get back to work (yes, I said it) and to life.

I'll let you know what's decided but I have a feeling I'll be doing another round.

::Holy hot flash::

3 YEARS

Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary! I think of how much we've been through in the past 3 years and it seems like so much longer!