Are you F-ing kidding me??

I was just on Facebook, it's very addictive you know?? This chic I know asked if I could do family pics for her. I went to go comment on her wall and see her comment from yesterday that says, "Dr. appointment went well, we heard the heartbeat and my due date has been moved to Aug. 10th"

OK what the fuck is all I have to say! This woman is the most fertile person in the world. She has 3 other kids (she's 32)and her youngest is just over one. Her husband is only home on the weekend so how the hell does she get knocked up all the time?? Don't get me wrong, she's a great mom but come on...

I know we hear this all the time but I am so sick of people just thinking about getting pregnant and bamm they are!

OK, my rant is over! Thanks for listening, Happy New Year!

Random: Proud of myself

This is totally not TTTC related but I was just playing with new new Photoshop 7 and wanted to show what I did..yeah I know not all that impressive but I'm pretty proud of myself:) I took the picture, made it b/w and then colored in the details.

Baby steps, baby steps

New Nest Name

MJoule is now mbjmaybebaby.

I made the change because I was googling myself and didn't want my name to pop up with TTTC...not that I'm embarrassed of it but being a teacher, that's not what you want your 7th graders to find out about you online.

I now am "pending approval" from the nest so I will probably not be able to post on the nest for 3 days or so...what will I do?? LOL

::EDIT::
I am back to nesting, that was quick!!

To Fight or not to fight.??

*Warning, this post could be a bit of a downer*

So after we had a little to drink on Christmas Day my mom tells me that my dad thinks that I am not being very realistic about my cancer possibly coming back. For those of you that don't know, I was diagnosed with cancer in my neck in 2006 (2 weeks after my wedding to be exact!). I had the tumor removed and had radiation therapy and everything has been fine. I had a routine PET scan in October and a lymph node showed up on my scan. They weren't too worried about it but wanted to do a biopsy just to make sure. Well, when they did a CT to see exactly where it was they realized they couldn't get to it w/o cracking my chest open (it's behind my lungs next to my aorta). Sooo, I have to have another CT next month to see if it was just my body fighting off an infection or if it has gotten bigger and they will in fact have to go in and remove it and biopsy it.

Anyway, my dad tells my mom this (they aren't married anymore) and my mom says that I am so positive and that I give her strength. Well last night I am thinking about what my dad said and wondering if I have the strength to fight the cancer if it's come back. Oh hell, I know I will but I just feel like I keep getting shit on no matter what I do or how positive I am. Here comes the why me...
I just feel like I had the cancer and then I'm IF, it's not just infertile that I have to do IVF, it's that my freaking eggs SUCK and don't want to do what they're supposed do. How much shit can one person go through and still stay strong??

Thanks for listening to my rant. Don't worry I'm not suicidal or anything, just frustrated!

It's a family thing

So I finally got the nerve to call my step-sister today knowing now that she wasn't pregnant from her IVF attempt. A little bit of a back story...step-sister and I used to be really close when I was in high school. She lived in MN with my dad and her mom and I was in CO so we saw each other a couple times a year. We went to work in ND for a summer after I graduated and she tried to control me and other things happened and we just haven't been even close to what we used to be.

Anyway, she has always said that she didn't want twins and would even do a selective reduction if they did get pregnant with twins...yeah don't even get me started on that! We talked today and she did an IVF cycle while I was having all my surgery stuff and it didn't work. I told her about wheatgrass and DHEA and even sent her a couple links to read up on some things. I don't know if this will bring us closer but I now feel like it's a race to get pregnant before the other one. She will probably be doing another cycle right around the time I will. I want to be supportive and I think I can be but can that support stay if she gets pregnant and I don't?? I'm not so sure. And then there's the whole twin thing...WOW!

Merry Christmas (a day late)

So the holidays weren't as bad as I thought they might be. Besides sitting through a Catholic mass with TONS of kids and babies, it was pretty good. I got some great presents and today I went out shopping and bought some cute Christmas stuff for next year. I always love opening my holiday boxes the following year because I don't remember what I bought and it's so exciting to see the new things to decorate with.

On another note, we were going to put an offer on a house today and it's already under contract...dang it. This is now the 3rd house that this has happened with. I know we will find the "perfect" house but I am getting tired of looking.

I have a job interview on the 6th of January and the more I think about it, the more I want out of my current teaching position and will probably take it if it's offered to me. It's in a different district but that's OK, I need a new start.

I am feeling better every day but still have some major pain at the incision but that is to be expected I guess. Right now I just need a nap.

Well, that's all for now, not really IF based post today but I think that's good:)
Hope you all had a Merry Christmas.

Much Better

First I want to say that it is so nice to know that other people are going through the same crap as I am. Andrea, you're the best!

For those of you that read my entry from last night you can see that I was pretty mad. DH and I had a long talk last night about how it wasn't fair that he blamed me. He apologized and I know that he's just as frustrated with IF as I am. He's to the point where he doesn't want to hear about anyone else being pregnant...I don't blame him but it makes me sad that he's gotten to that point.

We are going forward with our holiday plans and are going to enjoy ourselves and being with our families. We are going to be DRINKING during the holidays as well:)

CHEERS!!